Tropical Cheddar-flavoured beverage. Some kind of rat at the beach tries to capture cheese:
Tropical Cheddar
"Foktop" Drink Cup
This is a typical plastic cup used to contain Sloche beverage.
The "FokTop" on the cup is a the phonetic pronounciation of the swear phrase, "f***ed up". Here in Quebec, it's commonplace for francophones to curse and swear in English as part of normal conversation. Because they are francophone, the words do not have the same negative meaning and are not seen as curse words. Quebec anglos (like me) "get" the double-entendre.
I guess Sloche thought it would be funny to print it on the cup. It is!
Apple-Flavoured Gummi Frogs II
That drool is going to form a nasty puddle... better put a "wet floor" sign up!
Sloche apple-flavoured frogs. This seems to be some sort of tropical amphibian of the sort I've seen in Cuba or elsewhere, with oversized suction-cup "fingers". Frog is drooling profusely from his idiotically grinning maw. I think this frog might be some kind of a "Special Olympian". His teeth are missing, now THAT's truth-in-advertising because you don't really need teeth to gum gummi candy.
I quit sampling the product long ago so I've got no idea how these might actually taste, but frankly they don't look all that appetizing!
This package is actually a re-hash of another apple-flavoured gummi frogs package. Why the Sloche Co. chose two separate and disparate packages for one flavour of candy is beyond me. Maybe too many people complained about the first one? Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to Sloche Co.
Cherry-Flavoured Gummi Cherries
Cherry-flavoured cherries!? What gives? This is way too normal to be a brainchild of the Sloche company. Cherry-flavoured ROACHES, cherry-flavoured severed toes, cherry-flavoured roadkill, I could understand, but cherry-flavoured CHERRIES? Tsk. In any case, Sloche makes up for it with the familiar and blatant violence depicted here. A cherry which has been violently smashed, hammered, crushed and utterly destroyed. We wouldn't expect any less, from Sloche co.!!!
Ummmm..... I think no further comment is necessary.Hairball Cotton Candy
Here, for a change, we have some cotton candy; as opposed to gummies! Okay... I realize the container is actually empty. I can't help it if cotton candy has been one of my favorite treats I've never outgrown, ever since I was a child. This cotton candy was WAY good! Sorry, I just couldn't help myself, but I think it was pink and blue coloured, FYI. The cotton candy (known in French as "Barbe a papa" - literally meaning "Father's beard" - hahaha!) comes in a 60g plastic bucket. Here we have a rather sickly and wan-looking feline who apparently has just recently coughed up a mighty hairball. We can see the pile of purple, coughed-up hair on the picture on the bucket; and detritus still dangles from our feline's lips. How fortunate that the Sloche company was there to capture this delicious treat!There, there, kitty. We'll get you some help for that.
Sweet Peach-Flavoured Gummi Flies
They are big, juicy, and sweet.... flies.What could be more tasty than a fly-eating session. This package is hilarious because the fly is chasing a boy with a giant fly swatter.
Seriously, though. This reminds me so much of "gummi worm" candy. I think insect candy is cool. Especially these, because the flies are super-detailed! They really look like actual flies which is gross / funny, depending on your tastes. I would eat these. How 'bout you?
Orange-Flavoured Gummi Brains
Brraaaaaiinnsss!There are so many places I can go with this one. First of all, training kids to feed on brains...!?!? Yeah, in this day of mad-cow disease. The candies are brain-shaped and two-coloured, giving the appearance of a freshly cracked open skull. The package features a disembodied brain -- I'm guessing human? -- floating in some kind of a laboratory tank. This reminds me so much of "Dawn of the Dead" where the zombies wanted to eat brains. Now, if only they'd had access to this candy instead...
Wildberry-Flavoured Gummi Humanoids
In-Hu-Man-Oids! In-Hu-Man-Oids!"Humanoides". For you non-French-speakers, that's pronounced, "hu-MAN-OH-EADES"!!! Basically, space-alien-face-shaped gummies. Hahahaha! The package isn't particularly shocking in itself, but the actual candies are funny. Behold:
Look, you can actually see a very detailed, alien or skeletal-type face in the gummie's shape. Does this not remind you of Skeletor from He-Man? Cool. As I've said before, gummies are not exactly what you'd call health food. The "Wildberry" label here is perhaps the scariest part of these candies. Seems to me, that "Wildberry" is just a flavour name they tack on when they can't figure out what else to call the flavour, based on (I guess) their focus-group (or animal?) tests. Basically, it's a flavour cop-out. Like, "Oh no? (or... if you prefer, because this is Sloche and it's Quebec, and it's French... "OH, NON??? HOSTEE....") That dosen't taste like anything you've ever tasted before? Well, that's because it's Wildberry-flavour, you just must have never tasted that particular WILD BERRY ever before! Are you sure you've sampled particularly every single wild berry there ever possibly is???" I dunno, kinda sketchy. To me, "Wildberry" is just what they call flavours when the glucose just doesn't fit any particular category (orange, apple, cherry, etc.). Whatever!
Sour Green Apple-Flavoured Gummi Rats
Ho-ho! This is probably one of my very own personal favorite Sloche brand candy packages of them all! It's simply vile, but simply hilarious at the same time! An infuriated rat holding up a sign protesting animal tests! Rat sports a lab-animal type ear tag; and his belly prominently features a band-aid "X" where he has obviously been experimented upon. How terrible for him, but isn't it always the victims who must stand up and defend their rights? I believe this may be the very first time in the history of -- well, ever -- that gummi candies and animal testing have been mixed together; and the result is definitely oddball. I mean, you want to enjoy candy, but what gives? Now you have to wonder if Sloche has some secret lab somewhere where they're experimenting, feeding gummies to rats! Gummies aren't exactly health food, after all, you figure they must have been tested somewhere! But then why invoke this on the candy's packaging? Sheer weirdness!
Sour Watermelon-Flavoured Gummi Crocodiles
Floral shower caps are all the rage this season.
Sour watermelon-flavoured gummi crocodiles, what could be better. These look really tasty too, in the package, they're dark-green coloured gummies, coated with sugary powder. Yum. Here we have an hilarious picture featuring a big-bellied crocodile, lounging in a deck chair. Croc rests one contented hand (claw?) upon his distended belly, as though having just finished a delicious large meal; you know, how you get after Thanksgiving dinner. Our croc is wearing a floral shower cap - great fashion accessory! A closer examination of the crocodile's mouth reveals amphibian limbs protruding from betwixt croc's teeth; and indeed, croc's final, hapless prey holds up a small sign saying "AYOYE!" This is a French expression, roughly the equivilent of "OUCH!". Croc sure does look contented, but his bulging gold eyes have an evil, sort of ominous look in them.
Strawberry-Flavoured Gummi Spiders
This is the package which stirred up all the racist controversy.
It's a spider, or tarantula, on top of a guy's head. People freaked out because it's a black guy, and the spider's legs represent his dreadlocks.
I think it's all a bit silly, personally.
This candy is meant to be a joke, fun, humorous, maybe a bit disturbing, but that's the way Sloche brand candy is! I'm a blonde, I don't get into an uproar when I hear or see a blonde joke (and there are plenty). Oh well! Some people are more sensitive than others, go figure. Anyway, this candy was removed from Couche-Tard shelves sometime in the summer of 2005 or so. I'm still kicking myself, because I can distinctly remember going into Couche-Tard and seeing this package there on the rack, but I never bought it! Now it looks like it's gone forever....
Raspberry-Flavoured Gummi Rooster Feet
Good God! I was just at Couche-Tard picking up some Root Beer for my Hubby, when I spotted this! "Pattes de Coq" -- severed rooster feet! The horror. A harmless rooster has seemingly been subjected to amputation, with the spoils being peddled as children's sweets! Mr. Rooster has come looking for & found his missing foot... INSIDE A PACKAGE OF CANDY! Notice the expression on his face as he gazes down, and notice his bandaged leg. I'm sorry, it's terrible, but this is HILARIOUS.
"Owwwwwch!!! Give me back my foot!"Sour Peach-Flavoured Gummi Scorpions
First of all... gummi scorpions!?! Never seen that before! What a horrible scene is depicted here, some kind of extreme piercing seemingly gone horribly, horribly wrong. Our scorpion has been twice impaled upon a giant safety-pin! If I were a kid, this image would give me nightmares, not make me want candy! You can almost SEE our hapless gummi squirming in agony, like a fish caught on a hook. Yet another horrific scene being used to push children's sweets. Simply vile.
Disgusting. Enough to make me lose my lunch, not want to eat sour candy.
Apple-Flavoured Gummi Frogs
Poor froggie.Raspberry-Flavoured Gummi Mice
Raspberry-flavoured gummi mice. Why are they white? Since when is white a colour associated with raspberries? The candies look like cheese, not like gummies. Further evoking thoughts of cheese, the package features what appears to be a gummi mouse having recently suffered a most terrible fate. We can see a cheese-grater which has recently been used, beside the horribly-partially-bisected body of our gummi mouse. Mouse appears to have been grated to death! Only his hindquarters and part of his midsection remain. What a horrible way to die. What suffering must this poor creature have experienced! Truly awful.
Gummi mouse has seemingly been grated to death!Fruit-Flavoured Gummi Sharks
This time, the candy featured is gummi requins (sharks) instead of gummi bears. The candies are vaguely shark-shaped. The scene portrayed on the packaging here, for a change, does not feature death and destruction. Rather, we see a shark-like figure being compared to... a lighter?!? Excuse me if I just don't see the obvious connection. What were they thinking here? Everyone knows that Quebec is "Canada's Smoking Section", but this is ridiculous! What the heck does a lighter have to do with either sharks or candies? I wonder if the Imperial Tobacco company is somehow involved here (NO... I won't post a link to that crap, either). Gotta wonder, what message is being sent? Lighters are cool? Sharks make you want to start fires? I have no idea. Very weird and confusing.
Lighters & sharks. They go together like... salt & pepper, ebony & ivory. Of course.
UPDATE: Many kind souls have happily left me feedback or e-mailed me in order to clarify the above issue! Popular opinion appears to hold that the scene portrayed above is of the gummi shark having been melted by the lighter depicted on the packaging! Thanks to everyone who aided in clarifying this, and now that I take a closer look at things, this does make sense and appear to be the case! Death by melting. Heinous. Yet another example of the level of depravity of Sloche brand candy packaging.
Sour Fruit-Flavoured Gummi Bears
Next, another type of Sloche oursons (bears). The package featured above contains 96 grams of chewy sour fruit-flavoured gummi bears. What is going on here!? This time, our gummi has been involved in an unfortunate accident! He has just been hit by a car, and appears to be in a world of pain, with both his legs missing, presumably amputated as a result of the accident! Other body parts of our gummi have also been affected, and lay strewn about upon the hood and roof of the car! Most unfortunate. gummi bleeds yellow blood from one severed limb... disturbing, disturbing, disturbing. Again, the horrible maiming & possible death of an innocent, is being used to push candy. Very weird.
What suffering is this!? Why use it to market gummi bears? Creepy.
Fruit-Flavoured Gummi Bears
First up: Sloche oursons (bears). The package featured above contained 96 grams of chewy fruit-flavoured gummi bears (before I ate them). Look closely at the image above... it portrays a gummi bear in the throes of a most horrible death! Our gummi is tied by a rope about one ankle, just below the surface of some water! He appears to be drowning, or perhaps, has just drowned - note the few air bubbles portrayed escaping from the gummi's face... his last breath, perhaps? Some kind of mafia hit? Our gummi has obviously been horribly murdered! Adding insult to torment, life-giving fresh air is just out of the gummi bear's reach, as he suffers his inevitable fate, face turned upwards towards air he can see but not obtain. Horrible. This package portrays an image of suffering and death not normally associated with gummi bears.
Poor gummi bear... drowned. Rest in peace.
I'm still trying to find information about the following other Sloche brand drink flavours. I promise that I will post all about them as soon as I have more info!
Meanwhile, if you have any information to share with me regarding any of these flavours, please email me and tell me all about it!
"Winchire Wacheur" flavour - a take-off on windshield-washer fluid.
"Sang Froid" - Cold Blood (with an IV bag).
"Ca viens de sortir" ("it's just come out") here is a double-entendre, get it? Ewww. "Liposuccion" is Sloche's newest flavour.
A big ole' cup-o-liposucted-fat, what could possibly be more refreshing on a hot summer's day? Mmmmmm.....
Okay, this might be gross, but I have a theory: what do you think?
You know candy isn't a health food; neither are "Sloches" or "Slurpees" or "Slush Puppies" (sugary drinks...you get the idea). Yeah, so what if you drank like 10 of them a day, for around the whole summer; let's say for three months or so? AND THEN let's say you WENT TO GET LIPOSUCTION to remove the fat you'd accumulated from drinking so many sugary-calorie-laden-junk-food-Sloche drinks! Weird idea n'est pas?
Check out this video publicity for Sloche "Liposuccion" below (warning: gross / funny):
More About Sloche Co.
Sloche Co.'s website is entirely in French. Welcome to Quebec!
If you understand French, after registration, you'll have access to the Sloche site, and be able to enjoy Sloche-themed games, chat, graphics, and more.
Hahahaha! I was just doing a Google session on Couche-Tard and Sloche Co., and guess what I found?? Their MASTER PLAN for marketing Sloche brand candies and drinks!
* Sloche Co.'s master plan to "corner the slush market by toppling the leader": Slush Puppies!... And so much more interesting stuff. Seriously, it's weird I found this on Google. I dunno, a company posting its tactics online like this? Sheesh.
* The fact that slush is the 6th most frequently purchased product in convenience stores by 12 to 18 year olds! Wonder what numbers 1 through 5 are??
* The big secret revealed: Sloche Co. likes things that are politically incorrect! No, really???
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